Open Letter

Dear drivers who take I-95 North in the morning:

When you approach the Gerard Point Bridge, please do not be alarmed by the flaming ball of gas that you see. It is a natural phenomenon called "the Sun". It's there every day, provided there are no clouds. It won't attack you, cause the other cars to randomly change their positions, and will not create sun monsters that might destroy your car, the bridge or anything else, for that matter.
So, please, please - STOP SLAMMING ON YOUR BRAKES and causing traffic jams! It's really annoying and just makes me think that there are people almost every day who go, "WHOA! SUN! I ain't nevur seed that befores!"
Get over it, and drive.

Thank you.
Sincerely,
Concerned Driver.